So for the last month (two?) or so Miss M and I have been dealing with a bit of a situation at the homestead. Our third roommate had basically given us an ultimatum about the rent situation (he wanted to pay less than he had agreed to) where we could either accept what he was offering or get nothing at all. So here’s a little recap of the entire story for all to enjoy…keep in mind that all ends well, our roommate (not to ruin a juicy story) apologized about how he handled the situation, offered to pay the remainder of his rent and bills and will be moving out at the end of December. All is well and happy again in our little household and we are all just living in peace for the remainder of his time in the house. well mostly…its now halfway through January and he finally moved out on Wednesday. He paid some money towards the rent in January and the December bills. No money was left for the additional time he stayed and i’m sure we’ll never see any more bill money, but honestly, i think Miss M and i are just damn glad to have him gone and the money is just that….money.
So we begin our little adventure with the initial note that was left on the morning of December 1st. The day that rent is actually due…
There were actually no checks at all with this note, but I must admit….i was amused that he went to the trouble of having an argument by himself, came to a decision not to leave a check at all and then still left the note for us 
I’m also still trying to figure out how he was planning on “consuming” a fridge, meat locker, cabinets, living room, counter space, etc. I mean….he’s just a little guy and thats a pretty big meal.
After we received this note Miss M texted him and asked what his third option was and he told us that he would be paying no rent and no bills. Please note that at this point we had also offered several times to meet with him to discuss this situation face to face, but apparently that was not to happen..
So….after several more text messages wherein he referred to himself as a squatter and told us to ‘check the statutes’ because the law was on his side, we did. And here’s what we found….in the state of VA an oral agreement IS binding. Also, he has been having mail delivered to our address for several months now which works to solidify his ‘tenancy’. As his landlords we were also entitled to serve him with a five-day pay or quit notice, which basically meant that he had 5 days to pay his rent or on the 6th day we could trot our behinds down to the city court and file for a summon of unlawful detainer to have him eventually removed from the house.
So. With that being said, we posted a termination of tenancy on his door on the evening of the 1st, giving him 30 days to move out and then the following morning (to cover all bases) I went to the sheriffs office to file a five-day pay or quit notice.
Move forward a couple of days and on Tuesday night when we got home to the house we had a few new notes to enjoy!
This was our original note that we had posted on the basement door on the 1st of December. And this was the first note he had left at our house on Tuesday night. Miss M’s sister saw it before we did and recounted its contents to us over the phone. You can’t really tell, but the bottom of it was ripped off so we’re not really sure what he was trying to say about the 8th of January and the 30th of December. Apparently he is a ‘squater’ which is not actually in the dictionary…but it sounds kind of dangerous, or painful..maybe both? I’m not sure about that.
This was the 5 day pay or quit notice that was posted on our door. Here he is apparently confused by the fact that
a) it is a photocopy (perhaps the sheriffs office has the original?)
b) and I quote “that is your sig.” (Because i am the landlord/agent?)
c) No proof of service (Um….this is mailed to ME so i know when i can go to court…)
And now Miss M and I are apparently “clowns” as well as “water buffalo”….and our “tenenant” is short term 
In other news, at no point did Miss M or I *cough* “fuck him” or tell him to “go fuck himself” but i sure wouldn’t mind doing the latter. But its all okay, because apparently we were just fake evicting him anyway.
Some of my other favourite memories of the last month or so..
- There was one other note left, towards the end of December where he “humbly” asked permission to stay…also note, this was after he ripped the towel rack in the bathroom off the wall in a temper tantrum over our supposed stomping.
- His constant reference to being a ‘tenenant’ and the fact that since we hadn’t gotten another ‘tenanant’ in yet it was fine for him to stay. Uhh…how can we get someone else in when you WON’T MOVE OUT?
- After he sat down with us to discuss things nicely and request that we all try and live together in peace before he moved out at the end of December, i went outside to throw some rubbish out and found a bunch of my dishware and cutlery in the trash. Thanks!
- Right before i was due to go home for the holidays we had had a load of snow at the house….this is when Miss M noticed that he was peeing in the backyard. I guess it’s hard to disguise yellow snow.
- After he moved out i headed down to the basement to check the state of things….he was using one of Miss M’s bowls as an ashtray. lovely.
You know…i had a friend in highschool who always said that little men had problems. I wouldn’t say that all little men have problems….but i swear to god, problems was the one thing this guy wasn’t short on.
xoxo
